I used to think I was afraid of anger. But now I know it's 'just' shaming anger that scares me. Separating shame from anger frees me to claim my anger - anger that is necessary for me to hear my inner "No!"Read More
The Shame Lady's Blog
Excuse me, but is that shame that's weighing so heavily on your shoulders?
I see it in you because I have felt it in myself.
My shame was like a heavy cloak I wore for most of my life. Like a coat that both weighed me down, and also kept me safely hidden.
Even at times in my life when I've thought I was keeping my emotions to myself, I realize that I've been wearing my emotions in and on my body.Read More
I’ve never really liked the term Post Traumatic Stress Disorder – PTSD. It makes it sound like something’s wrong with me – as though I’m ‘disordered.’Read More
Our culture has an ideal of "perfect mental health" - either have it or pretend that you do. The truth is that just as there is a full spectrum of physical health, there is also a full spectrum of mental health. In a new film, I reveal that I do not fall in the "pefect" category. Revealing this is a sign of strength, not weakness.Read More
Did you know that focusing on the breath is a common trauma trigger? Learning to work with this fact is how I found my way out of feeling shame around my struggle to establish a meditation practice.Read More
In honor of Domestic Violence Awareness Month, I’m offering up my own story of why I stayed in unhealthy relationships – ones in which my self-esteem took a nose-dive.
Looking back, I stayed for 2 BIG reasons:Read More
Men should ______ . How we fill in this blank points to what ideals "we" believe men "should" live up to, and if they fail, they "should" feel shame.
How would you fill in the blank? And once you write it, how do you really feel about it?Read More
Lately I have felt so inspired by people who learn this way of working with shame, and carry it forward. If I’m lucky, I get to witness a ‘housecleaning’ of sorts: people doing a systematic review of the ideals that are held by the groups they belong to.
Why do group ideals matter? Because shame arises when we are failing to live up to these group ideals. Yes, even when we think our shame is all about us, shame really has more to do with our need to belong.Read More
When I finally found a way to safely emerge from my own shame, I knew I had something powerful to share.
Shame was like a heavy coat I wore for most of my life.Read More
So what does shame really mean? The Shame Lady uses an in-depth definition courtesy of cognitive scientist Charles M. Jones.Read More
I feel like a bit of a shame heretic by saying that shame does not mean "I am bad."Read More
My personal shame cycle went like this:Read More
Why I focus on shame...Read More